Musings of a CreepKnight
In less than 24 hours (depending on where you live) 2010 will be over, as will what we're calling "Year One" of Voodoo Walrus (even though we've technically been publishing since 2006). In this long and sordid "year," we've had a lot of good and a lot of bad; a lot of ups and downs and lefts and rights that all helped to bring us to where we are now.
I'd like to tell you a story. New Year's Eve, 2009, 2 P.M: Grymm and I were driving around prepping for our annual "We don't drink to excess so we'd rather watch cartoons" party when we discovered we were a mere eighty hits away from getting 1000 page views on the comic (this wasn't one of the old free hosting sites, mind you, it was this one). So we began a campaign to reach that number before 2010 began. We called our IRL friends, who called their friends, who called their friends, and so on and then proceeded to drive around to every wifi hotspot we could think trying to pirate their ISP and hit those magical quadruple digits. Then we went back to Grymm's house to watch both the numbers and Venture Brothers Season 3, eat pizza, and ring in the New Year. As most you know we managed to hit 1000, and there was much revelry in the house of Grymmowski.
During the course of 2010, many magical things happened: we went to our first con as Voodoo Walrus, we moved into the castle, and we had our first published interview. We saw the completion of many storylines. We listened to music. I discovered that a combination of Mountain Dew and 12 Five Hour Energies did in fact have the potential to kill me, and so we've set up an emergency box containing said combination for a "just-in-case" scenario. We also discovered that through hard work and viral promotion we can make the viewer numbers rise to heights we had never dreamed of reaching.
Because as of this posting, we are approaching the 20,000 mark in terms of unique visitors.
Now many of you may hear these numbers and go "yes and..." because you are a sardonic, heartless bastard less interested in helping us achieve our dreams than you are in seeing how many times you can stroke the Doodley Beast in a single day. To those of you who think this way... well, go right ahead. To you, it is just a webcomic. And if that's your way of thinking, that's your way of thinking. But to the rest of you, those who number among the mighty Legion of the Walrus, we want to thank you for helping us hit that number. Your loyalty and readership means more to us than you could possibly imagine because it gives validation to the idea that we do, no matter how much we struggle in doing it, is worthwhile and meaningful. And it's because of you people like you that Grymm and I haven't given up and become a dentist and a lawyer, respectively. Though I can't imagine Grymm ever becoming a dentist.
So as 2011 approaches we make a pledge to you: as long as you keep reading Voodoo Walrus, we'll keep making it. We promise to never succumb to typical fashion and instead choose to do this comic our way. We promise to be witty, edgy, and always tell the story as best we can. We promise you no fat guys in tank tops and no mayo on your chicken parmigiana. We promise to always use stamps where you lick the back, so you may have samples of our DNA to frame us for crimes we didn't commit. We promise we didn't kill Kennedy, as we weren't even born in 1963. We promise that real maple syrup always tastes better on waffles than does Mrs. Butterworth! We promise a revolution of the mind, of the spirit, and of the kidneys! We promise that if you read our comic, you'll sleep better at night except for when you don't! We promise that if we're ever in charge of a country, we'll eliminate all taxes by simply having people call them tributes! We promise that if we ever meet you at a con, we'll hit on your significant other instead of you just so you defend them by calling us pigs!
We promise a lot of things. We promise to make more promises later.
One more promise to keep before 2011: the winners* of the unofficial Voodoo Walrus Soundtrack, which you can enjoy via a playlist made by Grymm over on Youtube (I'm sure he'll post a link later). But in written form, they are as follows:
Voodoo Walrus Themes: The Beatles: A Day in the Life Butthole Surfers: Shame of Life Cyradwee: Prokofiev: Schythian Suite Grymm: Scissor Sister: I Can't Decide CreepKnight: The Verve Pipe: Hero Mac: Celldweller: The Last Firstborn Bowler: Chicago Soundtrack: Cellblock Tango Mirth: GWAR! Saddam-A-Go-Go Shmeerm: WASP: Kill, Fuck, Die Rook: Creature Feature: Aim for the Head Marron: Queen: Fat Bottomed Girls Doc: Angelspit/Combichrist 100% (110% remix) Brand New Morning: Butthole Surfers: Dracula from Houston/Finger Eleven: Ordinary Life Eggrolls: Kenny Rogers: Just Dropped In/Iron Butterfly: Inna Godda Davida/Man O' War: Deathtone Clockwork Dragqueen: Rocky Horror Picture Show: Sweet Transvestite/She Wants Revenge: Tear You Apart Revenge of Captain Thud: Lady Gaga: Bad Romance/AC/DC: Highway to Hell/Sabaton: Hellrider Greasy Spoon: Infant Sorrow: Furry Walls/Bathory: Forever Dark Woods Meatnecks and Boomsticks: Snow Patrol: What if the Storm Ends?/Johnny Horton: The Battle of New Orleans/ The Prodigy: Invaders Must Die Honorable Mentions: Hania Lee: Alice is Dead Hammerfall: Titan Tom Waits: Going Out West Ladies and Gentlemen of the Walrus Legion: Happy New Year! Now imagine a big, ole' unnecessarily sloppy kiss from us. *Yes, we know that a lot of the picks are from us. It's not like there was a prize involved. Those contests come later, when we have money and the rent on the castle is paid in full. We love you all anyway.Grymm Ramblings
Hi! Here's the soundtrack playlist:
Now I know a lot of suggestions didn't get used. We listened to everything though and picked the songs that we thought felt best for the various categories. Then we cut some things off that list since we wanted to trim character songs down to one song each. (I liked four of the songs listed for Grymm alone. ) So if not a single one of your suggestions made the cut... well... Sorry. Its nothing personal! Well mostly. Its very personal when it comes to that one guy that was sending his suggestions by way of writing them on his belly in mustard and sending us pictures. That's not cool Belly_Perv68andaHalf, not cool at all!
49 thoughts on “Theory of Relativity”
CreepKnight
How about some new year’s resolutions folks? I’ll start.
My resolution is to be more active on the Internet. For too long I’ve deprived you all of the glory that is my presence. I vow to change this.
What about you?
Mirth
Just saw GWAR last night! Was hopeful that they would play that song for me but they did not…
Resolution: get the ringing in my ears to stop, and continue to improve my guitar skills.
Tinker
My new years resolution is to find a jacket just like that one hobo was wearing! That neon orange one.
Kyriell
Woot! 2 of my songs made the list. Oh, a resolution? I guess mine will be to stop hiding the bodies so well. That way somebody can actually find them, and take pictures.
Marron
My New Year’s resolution WAS to get all those updates done to the back-end of the site… but since I just finished them, I guess I’mma have to think of something else.
Tinker
You should resolve to eat much eggrolls!
Marron
Perhaps! I’m always wary that eggrolls will contain secret pork or shellfish, though,
CreepKnight
Why does the phrase “secret pork or shellfish” make me giggle? Am I really so easily amused? Now I feel cheap.
Curator
making ur own is[erty easy, il give a recipem or somethin sometimem I dont like meats of ayn kinda in my egg rolls eiether.
Grymm
Resolutions? I got nuthin’. Outside of the goals I always have which pretty much all come down to making pretty things, having many many people see said pretty things, and said people paying me money for said creation of said pretty things so that I can easily continue to exist while making pretty things.
Now where’s my facial hair comb?
Tinker
Don’t feel cheap! Spend cheap! On eggrolls. Dammit. I’m craving eggrolls now. TO A CHINESE BUFFET!
Marchosias
Ladies, gentleman –
A few months ago, I heard tell of a lonely little island of insanity called Voodoo Walrus.
I found it immensely amusing, and just my kind of violent. I made friends with the proprietors, chatted with far-flung maniacs who like-wise found it brilliant in a hair-on-fire sort of way. I saw it grow, like an amusing, virulent disease. I saw its fan-base expand, and met the absurdly wonderful people who came with it. It has been a proud year, and I wish you (most of you) many more.
New Years resolution: Work on commissions more, instill more fear.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Marchosias
And I see four of my picks and an Honorable in the official playlist. I am well pleased.
Rosey
Hmmmm….I am pleased to see one of my pics…I think two…Wonderous.
As for New Years…Resolutions…to spread more of the Walrus embrace, to continue being an active watcher here on this lovely site, and to plot more back stabbing-mayhem casing-insanity inducing- antics with my fellow commentors~!
Honorable mention: Here’s looking to you Marchosias and Clown~!
And of course, love to you Grymm and Creepknight~!
Rook
I, Rook, do hereby pledge to do two things this coming year:
1. Kill the Jersey Devil. Kill him well and good.
2. To get the female posters on this site to post photos of themselves in provocative period clothing, holding large guns, and standing near an open body of water. With a kitten.
I would say get the guys to do this as well, but let’s be honest here… that would be too easy.
So how ’bout it ladies? Heh? Heh?
Feel free to email said pictures to get.the.back.beastie@gmail.com
Oh… and to unseat Curator as the creepiest poster here. Mission accomplished. Suck that beyotch.
Rook out.
Rosey
Mn, sorry Rook dearest, but Curator is still creepier. BE aghast in shock, you’re more of a satirist at this point in my level of creepy. Besides, I already do corsets~ Skirts are just too easy.
Rook
Uh huh… yeah. Just remember that I’m resolved. I don’t resolve easily.
Just ask the Jersey Devil.
Checking my electronic mail now…
Marchosias
The Jersey Devil, and most devils in general, are under my protection as part of the Asthoreth Compact of 1871. Which just means you have to pay me ridiculous sums of money to avoid being set upon by sexually voracious hell-hounds. Pay up, and Jersey will be hogtied and delivered to your door, First Class.
Grymm can tell you where to send the check.
Rosey
Just to make it official from my time zone~ HAPPY NEW YEARS! *flourishing bow* And here’s to many more of the wonderful Voodoo Walrus Crew! Good health, fortune and luck be with you in the dawning of the new era.
Rook
No pictures. Just like I thought. Yer lucky Ive got mead. Otherwise I’d say more. But I have mead.
And I think I killed CK. Oh shit.
CreepKnight
Nope, still alive. Also… uncalled for.
Rook
What? I’ll forward the pics to ya. Yer email is still “Gofuckyerself@Rookisfuckinawesome.com” right?
Marchosias
And too you.
Late, yes. Mildly hungover, quite.
Rosey
WOnderous~ I had planned on hiring Clown for a Draconic incident…*shrugs* Who knew mixing Jose Cuervo Silver tequila and the blood of the ancients would result in something like a wyrm with a penchant for steal my alcohol.
Rook
Ya blew it Chachi. Who ya tryin to fool? I’ve skull fucked my way through hellhounds for my birthday. I’ve also pissed on mummies. Vomited on zombies and made your dear old granny pole dance for me.
I’ve got an old van, some jumper cables, and a bum carcass stuffed with cats that all say I can hunt anything from Nessie to El Diablo. The fuckin’ devils are going down. In maid outfits.All of em!
Curator
My nwe years sresoluteion is to not drunkenyly read and commetn on webcomics anymroe while carressing a .45 whoms bullets have had a cross cut into the tip,lol. ifya gottaget this drnk, it might as well be on a really nice scotch right? good scotch…mmmm….eh fcuk it
Curator
Uh… Everyone completely ignore the above drunken un-deletable post please DX… Also, highland park makes some damn good scotch.
Marchosias
No, I think I’ll just hold that over you forever. Except for the scotch, that’s fine.
Also, what the blazes were you doing at 2 in the morning? Guzzling scotch while trolling the web? Dammit all man, now I feel sorry for you… so much easier to just hound you to death.
Curator
meh… sure, why not.
jakwolf
i think my new years resolution will be not to flunk out of colllege this time and possibly to try not ending up with another psycho girlfriend….
happy new year to you all :D
Marchosias
Hey, realism! Good luck.
Grymm
Hey everyone! There’ll probably be an official link to this come Tuesday, but for those of you that don’t follow my Twitter or the VW facebook page… Vill and I had a chance to record a New Year’s vlog last night! JUST FOR YOU!
Vensik
Heh, I’m just going to be crawling in through the window in the background one of these times.
Vensik
Oh, and I’m back in the state.
CreepKnight
Good to know. I will anticipate your arrival by remaining in a consistent state of nudity.
Wait.
It’s cold outside. I’ll wear a hat. Maybe some socks.
Grymm
Its not that cold tonight. Very misty though. Quite pretty really.
Ticker
Are you MAD man?!?!?!? Wear a scarf too.
Marchosias
And that is why I don’t buy mead in a store. It all tastes, in the quiet words of Neil Gaiman, like a diabetic’s piss.
I have a friend who home-brews the good stuff.
Grymm
Ah. Neil Gaiman. A wise man indeed.
Sandra
I would like for you guys(girls) to put the rest of the Character Bios on the cast page. Specifically Marron, because whenever i see that name, i stop and think ‘who the hell is that?” Please?
I love your comic!
Grymm
And we love you for loving our comic! Marron’s bio was actually on the cast page for a long time, but taken done for editing reasons and its reupload forgotten. However, you’ve reminded me about it, so its back up!
Sandra
Thank you! I love you guys!
Akonite
Happy New Year to you all as well. I resolve to regularly peek in and sexually harass the individuals who are caught browsing me on other websites. (Though I’m not sure how I feel about some of you having seen me in just a mask, corset, and bra…thank the photographer for not zooming out, people).
Other New Years Resolutions:
-Buy more corsets
-Stop trying to set drunk SCAdians on fire even if they burn pretty colors the smell of burning hair is icky.
-Eventually release the boyfriend from his straight jacket.
-Ask the tentical fairy to bring me a hitatchi (She does exist! I’ve seen her!)
-Work on the steampunk burlesque freakshow for WildWildWestCon 2012
Mercenary Clown
hmmm…new years resolution?
to get enough money to retire…if i wanted to…then waste it all on everclear and smokes…
also…to get rid of the psycho ex of mine who always comes back to haunt me….
also…ummm…about the jersey devil….
*hides .50 CAL rifle*
i havent seen him in…uhhhh….
*hides 5 MM Minigun*
idk…sometime…i think he said….
*hides jersey devil mating call device and two shotguns*
he was gonna go chill with bigfoot or something…
*hides jersey devil head shapped bag*
yeah…sorry rook
Grymm
Tomorrow’s page isn’t even ready for upload yet and I’m already nearing completion of Friday’s art. Its very important that I share this information. Right here. Right now. For some reason.
Akonite
The important thing is that you feel the importance of updating regularly lest your first convention in Arizona be met with me and my legion of masked fetishist minions to poke you with zappy things…. Okay, me and 3-7 sadistic, busty, steampunk girls does not make a legion but when you get a violet wand in the mix does it matter?
CreepKnight
I’m confused… you want us to post on time, right?
Akonite
Okay how about “keep up with the updates and I’ll introduce you to the many wanton geek women I know” should you ever have a booth at a Phoenix, AZ conventions.
Sandra
Oh, come on! Why don’t u artist ever come to Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin?